What's wrong with me?

Today I got a purple bracelet/band from someone I work with that said AComplaintFreeWorld.org. My first reaction? This is Pollyanna/New Age-ish B.S. What kind of reaction is that for a basically good idea to try to get people to stop complaining so much? I know that a decrease in complaining can help foster a more positive mental attitude and outlook. Needles to say, but saying it anyway, my first reaction was poor. Do I complain too much? I try to keep it to myself a lot, except for a few people I kinda trust. Most of the time, I get the sense that people don't really care about what you are complaining about or going through. False sentimentality and fell-good pablum psychobabble are infuriating. I should know, I dispense it by the truckload. ( at least that's how I feel sometimes) Sometimes I buy the crap that I am selling and it seems to work for awhile. Too bad it doesn't come with a money-back guarantee. The again, what does?

I imagine myself stuck in a hole and I am struggling to climb out. I sometimes get very tired of climbing and stop. Cold. Sometimes I think I am not so much climbing, because the exit doesn't get any closer, as much as there is someone underneath digging like hell to make the hole deeper. And contrary to popular opinion, I don't think it is me doing the digging. I am in one of those moods today. Tired of climbing, I don't see the point anymore. What, after all, is there of a foreseeable future for me? Getting up, coming to work, going home, repeat. Wash rinse and repeat. The secret of life was apparently hidden on the back of the shampoo bottle all this time.

So, am I complaining too much? Is it complaining to review your situation? Wife who doesn't love me and would rather be anywhere else - and anyone else - and may already. Check. Involuntary virgin status. Check. Unruly adult man-child who berates me and projects all of his ills on me. Check. Finances in the toilet. Check. Job sucked dry of any joy. Check. Feeling burned out and dreading coming to work. Check. Office managers who behave as if they want you gone, fired, forced out, or otherwise removed. Check. An employer that chastises you for not appearing supportive of the office manager with one hand while the other hand pulls the supports out from under you. Check. Institutional VP's going behind your back to find any dirt, and when they can't making ad hominem attacks about your character. Check. Plenty more to check, but you get the point.

The road stretches forward, I keep on walking, but I don't really know why. I have become the most pathetic thing I know. And not in anyway that deserves any sympathy or empathy. More of an object of morbid curiosity. Weak in spirit, mind, reserve, strength, character, drive, hope, faith.... Plain old PPP