It is not uncommon in some Christian circles to talk of the enemy coming against you. By this it is meant that hardships and difficulties in ones life represent an attack of the enemy; an attempt to pull us away from the grace of God. I do not discount this idea and believe that it does happen. Standing here, looking in the mirror, I have come to see that I have reached this point in my life, not because of an attack of the enemy, but because of me. My one unerring gift seems to be to make bad choices. In making those choices, I become a failure. In becoming a failure, I have become who I am today.

I have failed as a husband. I have failed as a father. I have failed financially. I have failed in business. I am a failure at work. I have failed socially. I have failed on an interpersonal level. I have failed spiritually.

I am not asking for pity or comment. I am not asking for recognition. I am not asking for people to tell me about what they perceive as my successes. I am not fishing for compliments. I am looking in the mirror. And I do not like what I see.

I have tried to change, and have failed. I have tried to correct my path, and have failed.

I do not know where to turn or to hide. I am a pariah in love, relationships, socially, and to an extent at work. I have no home, just a dwelling. There is no place for me; I do not fit in.
I will go on, because I have to go on. I will continue the charade and hope I produce as little damage as possible to the people that I touch. I can only hope that tomorrow I will feel differently.