Research seems to show that having someone to look up to, a role model, can help build resilience. Resilience helps us weather storms and trauma in our lives and seems to be an important factor in survival. I am lucky, I have two.
Neither one was famous, but each touched the lives of many. The nation and world at large may forget who they were, may never have truly known them, but I won't. One I knew a brief time, the other for much of my life. They were my dads.
We often forget how important dads can be. I do not want to offend anyone, but I think today we minimize and belittle the male role in the family. In our rush to be supportive of single mothers, we have left behind the fathers and dads. I know, we have Father's Day, but it is a tiny reflection of Mother's Day - almost an afterthought. I do not want to diminish mothers, Mother's Day or females here; I believe we should celebrate our sisters, wives, mothers and daughters with all the fervor and adoration we can muster. It's just that I think we need to do the same for our fathers and dads. And yes, I make a distinction between fathers and dads: The father is the biologic guy, the male genetic half and the dad is the guy that raised you. I would hope that these two would more and more be the same guy, but I digress.
For me, my dad and father were two different people. My biologic parents were divorced when I was quite young and I do not remember him. My dad, I remember. He was not perfect, he was not some 1950's image of fatherhood. He was, though, right for me. Maybe someday I can be more specific, but the man he was is something that I have aspired to. I do not think I am there, and will never know if I make it. I can only guess at what he would say of my life and its direction. I have not lived up to some standards, but I think I have surpassed in others. It is my understanding of some of his core beliefs, that has held much of me together and forced me to push forward. Even when I am gripped by the morose feelings that inspired my last post about being a failure.
My second role model and inspiration was my father-in-law. It seems that I knew him for such a short time before he passed away. I feel intimately connected to him, though. I feel as if I was truly his son, and I thank him for making me feel that way. He was different from my dad, but in my mind the two were complimentary. Where one lagged, the other excelled. It is really hard to express in words exactly what I mean; it is difficult to distill how these two men complimented each other.
It amazes me how these two men can sum up for me the essence of fatherhood. The rich vision of responsibility and joy that is fatherhood seems complete in these two. They are my heroes and I miss them.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
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