OK, this taking stock thing is really taking it's toll. But I can't help myself. It is some kind of whirlpool of dysphoria/regret/self aware self pity/bs, and being the rather miserable captain that i am, I cannot for the moment steer my way clear. That being said, let me indulge myself a bit more...

What is the metric of a man? By what do we measure a man? Some would say that wealth or material success is a excellent way to measure success. This does seem to be the most popular method used today in mainstream culture. Other measures I have seen people use include how many women you have had, how many babies you have made, how many fights you have won, and how much bs you can dish out. I disagree with these measures of a man's success. Sure, they measure something (lack of self control maybe (and isn't that a hoot coming from someone who just wrote about how he is going to indulge himself in a bit of uncontrolled selfishness!)).

I prefer to use some older standards. Some of these may seem naive, even stupid to some. But they are what I use, so if you want to disagree, get your own blog and do so (perhaps ad nauseum as I do). I prefer to use the following: Stands up for his beliefs, continues through adversity, willing to make and live by the hard choices in life, protects and cares for his family, willing to give everything - including life - for his family, leads by example and not just by dictate, willing to be the "bad guy" if that means the best choice for the family as a whole is made. Manhood is about sacrifice, being trustworthy, honesty and reverence. The Boy Scout Oath and Law sum it up pretty well, in my opinion. Of course, being a former Boy Scout, I have my biases. But I think they encompass moral absolutes that are needed in today's world. (Sorry all you relativists, but there are absolutes. If you insist that there are no absolutes, then you are simply refuting you own argument. See some discussions by Tim over at Random Observations for more details.)

So, where am I on this list of manly qualities? How do I fare? IMHO, not well. I have two choices here. I could allow myself to wallow in self pity and go nowhere, OR, I could reaffirm my beliefs as stated above and do my best to live by them. I know I am not perfect and I have never pretended to be perfect. But I can strive to live by my own standards, knowing that I will fail from time to time. The tough part, for me anyway, is trying not to feel like a failure when I stumble along the path. God, forgive me.............