Two Sides of an On Edge Coin

I have had the following thoughts within the last 24 hours and may help to demonstrate why I am so very much on edge. I will, in keeping with the analogy, title the thoughts Heads and Tails. I am not sure if there is much significance to which label applied to which thought, I will leave that to the psychoanalysts out there.

Tails
These thoughts came to me while driving, shortly after I had an argument with the spouse in which she let a giant 'I TOLD YOU SO' slip out in my direction. I went on to think the following (names hidden to protect those presumed innocent):

Dear ****,
I finally know why you do not love me anymore. I am a loser. No matter how hard I may try. I lose. My accomplishments are not enough, in your eyes I am a loser. My career and earnings are not enough, I am a loser. The home I have provided are not up to your specs, and I am a loser. I am neither man enough to take control nor humble enough to not be sanctimonious and I am therefore a loser. I am a loser in your eyes and mine. And I hate you for it. I gave in, I caved, I let you change me in ways that were not healthy and for that I am a loser. Ultimately, I lost you and that makes me the biggest loser.

I felt cold, alone, angry and hurt.
I realize that I allowed this to happen and I cannot blame you. It makes me feel even more the loser that I realize that I did this to my life and can now find no way out without compromising what I loosely call principles.

Heads
These thoughts occurred as I lay down to sleep, very shortly after the above. I began to think that I was/am a quality "product." I can be caring, attentive, loving, and compassionate. I am sensitive without being a total wimp. I can stand up for myself. I am accomplished. I am successful. I am a good father. Etc. I felt good thinking these things - why did they fade. All of the statements are true - and more. Why do I let this fade?

In all honesty I started this post in the middle of November and it is now the end of the month. A lot has happened since, but I am still amazed at myself for flip-flopping between these feelings. I am amazed that I go from being certain my wife is having an affair to thinking that that is absurd. I do not feel insecure in the traditional sense. I have a growing sense of being OK with myself, but the flips remain. I am still lagging in faith and spiritual growth is almost in reverse - but I've recently had reminders of the importance of moving forward spiritually and realize I need to take heed. I suppose this is enough navel gazing for the day and I feel sufficiently "catharsed" to let it go for the day...