You know, its not as if I haven't tried. I have. Or at least I think I have. And yet I still feel as if there is nothing left. I am tired of clawing every day just to keep my head out of the shit; I am tired of failing every day. I really just want to say F it to everything, but I don't have whatever it takes to do that. It pisses me off that I am such a pathetic specimen, no wonder women don't want me - who in their right mind would want a guy that thinks he is a pathetic loser (and proves it daily). I am F'd, and I've done it to myself. And no, don't have any sympathy or pity for me, I simply don't deserve it. This is my bed of shit, I guess I have to lay in it; I just wanna know how long I gotta keep myself from drowning. I so very much want to let go...but I cant, that's God's choice, not mine.