Dreams

Are they curses?

I have dreamt of you twice, that I can recall. They have both bothered me, both in the usual ways, and ways I did not expect.

I am sitting in a chair, at home. You come in and kiss me. I don't know why, but you behaved as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I started to cry and remember thinking "is it really over?" "Are we getting back together?" As I started to cry, tears of pure joy from your kiss, I awoke...

And cried bitterly. I realized upon waking that it was just a dream. The pain was intense and the loneliness crushing.

I am laying in bed, in my usual sleep position. I notice you climbing in bed next to me and you cuddle up to me. I feel the softness of you on my back. I am happy. I missed you and it feels good to have you lay with me. It was a tender moment.

That morning I awoke, again feeling lonely and empty. I miss you dearly. I did not cry this time, because I know we are over. The brief spike in hope that the dream produced has bothered me, but I have had to let it go. I miss being touched, "spooning," and being tender. What amazed me about this dream? It had no sexual content or context. It was the simplest of joys - laying close and comfortable with another human, one you love.




Perhaps next time I can dream of my future and not my past. Maybe I can dream about what happiness my await me as I move forward and stop pining for a past I cannot regain.


When?
When will I stop loving you...