I have always* said that life is not fair. Now I know that what I've been saying is true. I have been thinking of the basic unfairness of my life, and I feel petty doing so. I whine about things: "it's not fair that the woman who never wanted kids is going to take them away, at least part time, from the man for whom kids are his life"; "It's not fair that I have to go through this situation that I never wanted." The list could go on. And, yes I know it is not fair that a woman had to endure tremendous pressure feeling as if the man in her life wasn't there for her, etc.


So What?! People go through crap. Some people, I would venture most people, in this world go through much worse crap than I have to. I realize that thinking about the pain of others is cold comfort when you are hurting or feeling sorry for yourself, but in the bright light of the day I have to realize that while my pain is significant to me, it is nothing in the realm of possible pain. Yes, I have lost my wife. Yes, I am losing my home. Yes, I have lost my pride. Yes, I am losing some face time with my kids. No, these are not the worst pains in the world, only my world.

I have to reach up and move beyond my pain. I have to understand that pain is a part of life and stop railing against it; that I should better spend my time learning to adjust, accommodate, and grow despite and because of the pain. I will fall, and I will fail, the ache in my heart will continue, but as long as I inch forward I can be OK. Now, If only I could get my heart to see what my head sees...


* Obviously not always, but rather a long time. I guess it is just easier to say "always" instead of saying "for a really long, but unspecified length of time."