Ever get a song, or even a fragment of a song stuck in your head? Of course you have, unless you live a music free life, which would be horrible. These are some lines of songs that have been floating around in my head lately. I don't remember song titles, but I will list the artist if I know it. "I hope she knows I have this memory" - Blue October. "When they come for me I'll be sittin' at my desk with a gun in my hand, wearin' a bullet proof vest, thinkin' my, my, my how the time does fly when you know your gonna die by the end of the night" - Streetlight Manifesto. "My words, they pour, like children to a playground, children to a playground" - Blue October. Yeah, I've been listening to a lot of Blue October. My favorite song, currently, is Breakfast After Ten. "Hang up the phone!"
Betrayal. It is all around us, inhabits us and is part of us. We betray, sometimes innocently and without purpose. Sometimes deliberately. Sometimes we betray by running away from something else and run headlong into betrayal. When it comes, it comes with force. It pounds and crushes our spirit. It is relentless in its pursuit of our destruction. I have betrayed, without wanting to, but I will not say that I was innocent. I betrayed out of fear and laziness. Someone dear to me gave me the opportunity to go beyond where I was, to take up a task for her that was overwhelming her and I agreed to do so. Ultimately, I lied; I did not go and she was crushed. And now I am being left. She has betrayed - she has in my estimation lied. I do not count her as innocent. The question is, did she mean it and how long will it continue. Probably for however long our dying relationship has to go. I am sick of swimming in the blackness of betrayal and I desperately want to come up for air.
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