I really don't see or understand the concept of hope.  I preach it, but I don't feel it.  I look at my face in the mirror and what I see repulses me.  I see a weak willed hollow excuse for a human with little or no possibility for redemption or progress.  Why can I not just accept that my purpose is to generate funds for others, and that's all.  Love? Not in my path...who would actually choose to be with me.  If they are that short sighted and stupid that they would have me, could I be with them?  Pathetic. Weak.  Lazy.  Incomprehensibly shallow.  I deserve nothing.  Why do I expect then, why do I worry? Why am I?